


the only father that i ever knew

by spacebounds



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-28
Updated: 2016-06-28
Packaged: 2018-07-18 16:55:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,508
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7323322
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spacebounds/pseuds/spacebounds
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>100% accurate depiction of how and why Luke tweeted ‘Calum is daddy af’.</p>
            </blockquote>





	the only father that i ever knew

**Author's Note:**

> we may never know why luke posted those tweets how #tragic but anyway idk how long it's gonna take me to repost all my writing from tumblr to this site oh well ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
> 
> also i know this happened like 2-ish years ago but this is being reposted anyway so it doesn't matter

Calum really kind of hates this band. Like, he’s never had a brother before but now he’s got three of them, and he couldn’t be happier. (Okay… He could technically be happier if he thought long and hard about it. He’d probably ask for brothers that knew how not to spend their entire paychecks on Nandos or Maccas in one sitting, or brothers that didn’t steal his clean underwear when they were on tour and replaced it with dirty laundry. But, you know. Details) They’re better than any other friends he’s ever had, and they’re good company when they want to be. (But they usually don’t want to be. It comes with that brotherly territory. They’re annoying as fuck, but in the most lovable of ways and Calum only kind of hates them.)

Well. Come to think of it, Calum actually kind of really hates this band.

It’s not that they’re bad per se… It’s just that… Well… The others have their days. Which Calum understands. No two people get along all of the time and being cramped with those three goofballs, no matter how much he loves them, wears him down more often than not. He likes peace and quiet and doesn’t mind being alone, which are all kind of impossible to achieve when you’re travelling non-stop with your band, and becomes slightly more impossible when said band is getting, like, all up in his grill. The inconsiderate fucks.

Right now, for instance, is one of those times when he’s reminded that (despite all the warm, fuzzy love he has for these guys) how much he really kind of fucking hates this goddamn band. It’s one of those days where Calum doesn’t really want to interact with anyone because he’s kind of tired (and he’s a bit of an introvert anyway, which makes his fatigue worse. He wants to be by himself to recharge but the rest of the band insist that they all go to the hotel restaurant together for dinner and it’s easier for him to be a grump for an hour than to deal with how the others will react if he says no, so.)

At first, Calum thinks he might survive dinner. Like, they get one of those stupid booth tables and he ends up trapped in the corner by Luke, but Luke isn’t usually one to get into mischief, so it’s okay, mostly. Michael sits across from Cal, which Calum also doesn’t mind, because Mike isn’t as chatty as normal today and Ash is too busy on his phone to start one of his anecdotes, so it’s going well so far. Swimmingly. Lovely. (He’s probably exaggerating a bit, but again, details.)

Calum tries to be engaged when conversation starts. He nods every once in while even when he’s not sure what’s being said and throws in a little “mhm” or “yeah” when the timing feels right. Calum doesn’t like to admit how often he does that, because it’d probably hurt the other’s feelings to know what an absolute dick he can be when he’s in the mood so he tries to at least look engaged, you know? Giving the others periodic eye contact, stifling his yawns, just basic things to hide his disinterest.

He’s never been this bored in his entire life honestly.

Eventually, Calum finds himself counting to pass the time; counting the little flecks of reddish-brown in Ashton’s eyes, counting the amount of times Luke chews on his lip ring when he’s not talking, the amount of times that Michael fiddles with his earrings. It doesn’t take long for their voices to become garbled background noise; he drowns them out and just keeps trying to make the time pass somehow, in any way that he can.

And it works for a while, until it doesn’t.

It kind of feels like he’s being smacked in the face when he finally recognizes his name being called, and it’s disorienting to see the rest of the band staring at him with expecting eyes. Calum hadn’t realized how deep in thought he was until he felt like he was dragged out of it by the roots of his hair, trying to get his bearings with three pairs of eyes on him.

“What?” Calum asks. He doesn’t want to be irritated, and he’s not even sure why he’s irritated now, but he is. Cal’s staring at Luke who had the fucking audacity to interrupt his mindless daydreaming and he’s really truly upset about this.

The thing is, Luke isn’t saying anything. None of the others are saying anything. Luke’s looking at Calum like he might burst into giggles any second. Michael and Ashton are across from them, leaning on each other as they heave from laughing so damn hard they look like they might cry. Which Calum wouldn’t mind at this point. He doesn’t know what’s going on but he doesn’t need to to know that he really and truly hates this band.

“I told you so,” Luke says, a smug grin on his face as he completely ignores Calum altogether. “I told you Calum wouldn’t even notice.”

“Notice what?” Calum asks, but they’re too busy laughing to take notice.

“Oh, nothing, daddy,” Michael chimes, with a toothy grin. Ashton and Luke take to laughing again as Michael snorts quietly, and all Calum can do is look at all three of them with what can only be described as hatred and disgust.

“What the fuck did you just call me?” Calum asks, though he heard it clearly. He can feel his cheeks get hot as the others chuckle again and all he really wants to do is get up and leave, but he can’t. Luke cornered him in the stupid booth and now he’s stuck and irritated and he can’t believe he’s in a band this fucking stupid.

“Someone on twitter asked me if you’d respond to being called daddy and-” Luke pauses to get in a few more giggles. “And I- I was going to show you the DM but you were so spaced out…” Calum’s glare deepens at each of Luke’s stuttered syllables, every word interrupted by a chuckle.

“He said he bet that he could call you daddy and you wouldn’t even notice,” Ashton said, stepping in to finish the story when Luke couldn’t. “You were so out of it for a minute there. Are you alright dad?”

“Don’t you fucking dare,” Calum threatens, but the other boys already have shit eating grins on their faces. It kind of feels like he’s being ganged up on. Which is really unfair. Calum’s a good fucking person (sometimes). He doesn’t deserve this (mostly).

“Calm down daddy dearest, it was just a joke,” Luke says, earning him a fist bump from Michael. Calum resists the urge to punch all of these assholes.

“Don’t make daddy mad or he’ll hit ya,” Michael adds, noticing the look of pure annoyance on Calum’s face. Calum frowns and his jaw sets as he looks Michael in the eye, but Michael only keeps prodding Calum further. “You know Calum takes his role as a father very seriously. He might have to spank ya.”

“But don’t daddies like punishing their little ones?” Luke says, with the cheekiest smile on his lips. Within seconds he’s doubled over on the table, trying to breathe and laugh all at once and Calum’s surrounded by laughter. He’s encased in a medley of chuckles and, as funny as he can admit this is, he still really wants to hate this stupid fucking band, so he tells them;

“I hate you all.”

He’s met with a chorus of I love you’s.

A few more lagging giggles from their inappropriate jokes follow, until again, they’re met with silence. Which Calum can work with. The worst part has to be over. There’s no way it can get worse from here. Not as far as Calum is concerned.

And Calum’s right, until he isn’t.

“So Calum,” Luke says when enough time has passed. The rest of the boys turn to Luke, and as he begins to speak, Calum feels as if his soul is dying. “You technically never said you don’t like being called daddy.”

“Don’t you fucking start with me,” Calum warns, but Michael and Ashton are already on the same page as Luke, jumping right back into their teasing ways.

“Reply to that DM, let ‘em know Calum doesn’t mind,” Ashton says, his voice erupting into his famous giggle. Now Calum’s sure it can’t get worse.

“Better yet, just tweet about it. Let the world know,” Michael suggests. Calum was wrong. It got fucking worse.

“Do not-” Calum begins, but Luke’s too quick with his hands and whips out his phone and, despite all of Calum’s wrestling, Luke manages to type out ‘calum is daddy af’ and tweets it with a smile.

“Sent!” Luke chimes, and Ashton and Micheal congratulate him on a job well done.

“Fuck all of you,” Calum says again, reclining into his seat.

He’s met with another chorus of three harmonious ‘I love you’s’.


End file.
